just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
