Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
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He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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