just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
