What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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