It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Randomize
