it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
