I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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