We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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