problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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