my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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