What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Randomize
