You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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