Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
