I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
