please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
