i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
