I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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