Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
