I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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