What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
