I'm lost and stupid without you.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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