what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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