hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
