i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
cat food counts as protein by the way
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
