Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
