im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What drink are we having for lunch?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
