Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
