dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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