Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
