I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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