New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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