i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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