That's when you crack a 10am beer
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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