what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
