I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
