are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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