Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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