Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
