come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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