New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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