dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
