I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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