Nicole vs. Life
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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