After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
