I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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