I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize