It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
