so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
