sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
