Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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