I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk is a universal language darling
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
