You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
