i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
