We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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