I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
