She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
