I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
