There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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