so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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