I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
people are starting to question the shark bite story
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
