Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
