look no pants
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
