its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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