based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
