already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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