Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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