i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
