That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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