Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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