shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What drink are we having for lunch?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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