At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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