What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
