Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
