I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
