my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
