let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
