So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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