yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
