This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
