I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
